Mud Run Memes

At the risk of sounding self absorbed, I think our mud run pictures make some great memes.

Mondays be like:

If at first you don't succeed...talk your

friends into following you so you're all stuck

together.

When you make it through a work 

morning with minimal casualties...oh gosh, I still

have a whole afternoon to get through.

Friends cheer you on.  Real friends are out
there stomping on your logs trying to get
you to fall into the mud.

When you just can't deal anymore

When you get super competitive and you're like

"I will make it to the top if I have to 

crawl over a bunch of bodies to do it."

Real friends stick together, no matter

how muddy it gets. 

Weird conversations at the Library

1.  We have a couple patrons who have really interesting names. That's fine, until they expect you to know how to spell it without their help.  I had this conversation a few weeks:

Patron approaches desk: "I forgot my library card."

Me: "Do you have ID?  I can look you up from that."

Patron: "I forgot that, too."

Me: "Well, I can look you up from your name, but I'll have to ask you

several questions to verify that it's your account."

Patron: "Okay."

Me: "What's your name?"

Patron: "Mrishne Srivskansky"

Me: "Can you spell that for me?"

Patron: "No, I want to see you spell it."

Me: "Uhhh...okay... M-R--"

Patron cuts me off: "Don't you look at your computer!  Look

me in the eye while you spell it!"

Me a little frustrated: "M-R-I-E--"

Patron cuts me off again: "It's just I!  No E!  How did you ever

become a librarian if you can't spell?"

(note: I did change the name, but this

is essentially the ratio of consonants to vowels)

Dean's face when learns Misha's name is basically my face through
this whole conversation.

2.  There are some people who come to the library so consistently that they feel the need to inform me when they won't be coming in.

Patron: "I wanted to let you know that I won't be here tomorrow."

Me: "Um, okay.  Hopefully you're doing something fun."

Patron: "Actually I'm having surgery in the morning. (Insert a long

and gruesomely detailed explanation of their surgery). Could

you let everyone know so that they don't wonder where I'm at?"

Me: "Sure, why not."

3.  Proposals to the female library staff.  One of my coworkers had a patron who actually emailed the manager over ALL the county libraries to ask if he could date her...that email got passed down to the branch manager and eventually back to my coworker.  My weirdest proposal (or rather, proposition).

Patron: "Do you want to travel the world with me?"

Me: "Uh...what?"

Patron:  "You should know, I'm technically married still, but

we just stay married for tax reasons.  She wouldn't care if

you came with me."

Me:

4.  I have some form of this conversation a few times a week.

Patron: "I read this really amazing book about a year ago.

Can you find it for me?"

Me: "Sure.  What was the book called?"

Patron: "I can't remember."

Me: "Do you remember what it was about?"

Patron: "I can't remember that either.  But it had a really pretty

cover with leaves and swirls and stuff."

Me: "Uh...do you remember anything else about it?"

Patron: "No, but I remember it was really good.  Can't you find it from that?"

5. For some reason, a lot of people feel the need to announce or lie about their education when they're talking to librarians.  There's one guy who always prefaces his questions with, "I have a PhD, but..."

Childlike Wonder

"Most people will mistake a fairy for a butterfly, but if you're out at night, you can sometimes see them glowing." ~ Best Line Ever Overheard at Thanksgiving Point Gardens

                

 

And because Winnie the Pooh has come up several times this last month and I stand by the fact that Eeyore is one of my favorites:

It turns out  I'm not the only one who loves Eeyore!
http://thebloggess.com/2018/01/18/winnie-the-pooh-is-overrated-eeyore-probably/

Plum Stupid Apple

Today I had to go to the Apple Store in order to buy a charger for my new computer.

Three reasons why this was always going to be a bad trip:

• Tech Stores are dumb...and they think you're dumb too.  Seriously, that's why they won't even let you go find the product yourself.  Apparently, we are all children who must be chaperoned at all times and when we don't have a chaperone, we  must sit at a stupid table like kindergartners waiting to be chaperoned. 

Major difference between Apple and kindergarten?  

There's no craft to do while you wait, so I don't hear this while I'm sitting there.

"Ms. Peterson, Kayla won't let me use the scissors."

"Mr. Knightly, Jimmy is  putting glue on his hand to peel off like skin and gross us all out again."

"Mrs. Browne, I want to go home."

Actually...I may have said that last one myself...

• Having to wait FOREVER.  I have decided that if a store is going to make me wait, that they must deal with me staring down each and every one person who works there.  I will not be the nice person who pretends to have stuff to do on my phone!  I will stare at you and wait for you to entertain me if you are going to make me wait here for twenty minutes!  As a result, I can now tell you that the exact numbers in the store with me: two apple greeters at the doors, mostly talking to each other.  One manager, who was laughing and talking with two coworkers AND NOT HELPING ANYONE (and a third employee joined them after about 5 minutes.  Five employees actually helping people.  There were also 8 people like me waiting to be helped, 9 people pretending to have been helped why "trying out" the device shoved in their hands, and five people being helped by the five employees doing their jobs.

• Having to deal with a sales rep means having to deal with sales.  Me: "I'd like a 60 watt charger for my 2010 macbook."  Sales rep: "Here's a really nice and brand new macbook that you may want to buy."  Me: "What?  No!  I just want the charger!"  Sales rep: "Oh, did you know that I can get you a special discount so the new macbook is only 1200 instead of 1299?"  Me: "WHERE ARE THE CHARGERS?  I WILL GRAB ONE MYSELF!" Sales rep: "Oh, honey, you're not allowed to touch things in here unless you buy them.  Now, allow me to show you our newest Macbook Air..."

Also, did I mention that the total cost of a charger is 84 DOLLARS.  

If I hadn't bought a mac while in college, I would definitely not have bought one now.  My point is, don't go apple.  Ever.  Everyone knows plums taste better and are way juicier anyways.

Look at me...I am beautiful with these glistening drops of water on me.

I literally make your mouth water.

You know you want me over that stupid apple you have in

your stupid fridge.

Crapple.  That's what we should name him.

M.O.A.B.

M ost these people are tourists, including me

O utdoor adventures abound

A whole heap of fun and super nice to see my parents

B umfuzzled about the difference between a natural arch and a natural bridge...

   

Words we should all start using immediately

A while back I went on a date where this guy told me that I used big words and it was intimidating.  It struck me as funny, because the word I had used was "crotchety", which is not that big and not that unusual.  What followed was a goal to start using more of new and exciting words and it kind of turned into an obsession.  Like, I have a dictionary in MY CAR so that if I get bored, I can look new words up.  Side not, this is how you know you're a nerd.

Now, I'm not as creative as Taika at coming up with words on the spot, but what follows is a list of words that are some of my favorite finds.  I only wish more people knew them, because every time I try to use them, people give me a weird look and ask me what that means.

Bumfuzzle - confused, perplexed, or flustered

Malarkey - insincere or foolish talk

Flummox - exasperate

Lollygag - messing around or wasting time

Snollygoster - someone who does things for their own advancement and doesn’t follow their own principles

Bibble - when someone eat or drinks noisily

Pauciloquent - a person of few words

Bloviate - a person of too many words, and who likes to embellish stories to make themselves sound better

Lickety split - as fast as possible

Codswollop - foolishness, nonsense, balderdash

Kerfuffle - nonsense or balderdash

Fard - face paint or make up *sidenote - no women would want to wear make up if it was called fard

Goombah - an older friend who protects you

Skedaddle - get a move on

Ineffable - Indescribable

Sycophant - suck up

Paradoxically - self contradictory

Quixotic - idealistic, romantic

Obsequious - obedient, servile

Curmudgeon - bad tempered old person

Uncouth - lacking sophistication

My new job is...repetitive toilet flusher?

So, the other day we were having some weird issues in our super legit and definitely haunted boiler room.

Apparently the problems were connected to the plumbing, so a couple hours into my shift, the manager asked if I could go into the bathroom and keep flushing the toilet until someone came and told me to stop.  Which led to me standing in the bathroom and repetitively flushing the toilet for almost 15 MINUTES. 

As I stood there, I thought, I'm literally getting paid to flush toilets, which makes me a professional toilet flusher!  And how, oh how, can I put this on my job resume because every potential employer should probably know how varied and diverse my skill set is, including my astounding ability to continuously flush toilets.

Eventually my fifteen  minutes were up...but this experience led me into a super long and amazingly time consuming search on the internet of all the weird and crazy jobs in the world.  Including and not limited to these gems:

Why have one, when you can have four?  And why keep them simple, when you can make them AWESOME?

I'm especially intrigued by Rasputin impersonator...

If you ever need to consult anyone on proper kidnapping technique, you should immediately dial this guy's phone number.

Brides beware!  This guy might be coming for you.

I kind of want his life.

Gosh, he probably spends all day cuddling with baby penguins.  I'm officially jealous.

Apparently you can add "ologist" to any word and it makes you an expert in that field.

This should probably be the title of every single teenager out there...

Can you imagine going on a date with this guy?  Hi, my name is Jackson Galaxy (epic) and I'm a Cat Behavior Consultant (hold up...what?).  Oh, and I have this fantastic facial hair that I shave in new and bizarre ways to keep my life even more interesting (I already know that I can't even hang with this guy...it's too much awesome)

The guy you wish would come up on your Tinder

Can someone actually try calling this to see what happens?  Because I might be interested in this, as long as the evil genius is charismatic, provides witty one-liners, and has a sure-to-fail plan for world domination.

I mean, everyone's gotta die sometime, right?

Again, has anyone contacted this person and is the position still vacant?

I can bring weapons and I can blend into ANY time!

Just so we all know who to call when we get confused about those confusing origami instructions.

I'm surprised it doesn't just say "Bearologist and paperologist" to be honest.

Definitely legit.

I wish job hunting was this simple nowadays.  Lets get rid of LinkIn,
CareerBuilder, and Indeed and go back to good old fashion sewer grates.

Other job gems I found:

Ice Cream Taste Tester
Coffin Salesman
Teen Exorcist
Bread Expert
Armpit sniffer