Plum Stupid Apple

Today I had to go to the Apple Store in order to buy a charger for my new computer.

Three reasons why this was always going to be a bad trip:

• Tech Stores are dumb...and they think you're dumb too.  Seriously, that's why they won't even let you go find the product yourself.  Apparently, we are all children who must be chaperoned at all times and when we don't have a chaperone, we  must sit at a stupid table like kindergartners waiting to be chaperoned. 

Major difference between Apple and kindergarten?  

There's no craft to do while you wait, so I don't hear this while I'm sitting there.

"Ms. Peterson, Kayla won't let me use the scissors."

"Mr. Knightly, Jimmy is  putting glue on his hand to peel off like skin and gross us all out again."

"Mrs. Browne, I want to go home."

Actually...I may have said that last one myself...

• Having to wait FOREVER.  I have decided that if a store is going to make me wait, that they must deal with me staring down each and every one person who works there.  I will not be the nice person who pretends to have stuff to do on my phone!  I will stare at you and wait for you to entertain me if you are going to make me wait here for twenty minutes!  As a result, I can now tell you that the exact numbers in the store with me: two apple greeters at the doors, mostly talking to each other.  One manager, who was laughing and talking with two coworkers AND NOT HELPING ANYONE (and a third employee joined them after about 5 minutes.  Five employees actually helping people.  There were also 8 people like me waiting to be helped, 9 people pretending to have been helped why "trying out" the device shoved in their hands, and five people being helped by the five employees doing their jobs.

• Having to deal with a sales rep means having to deal with sales.  Me: "I'd like a 60 watt charger for my 2010 macbook."  Sales rep: "Here's a really nice and brand new macbook that you may want to buy."  Me: "What?  No!  I just want the charger!"  Sales rep: "Oh, did you know that I can get you a special discount so the new macbook is only 1200 instead of 1299?"  Me: "WHERE ARE THE CHARGERS?  I WILL GRAB ONE MYSELF!" Sales rep: "Oh, honey, you're not allowed to touch things in here unless you buy them.  Now, allow me to show you our newest Macbook Air..."

Also, did I mention that the total cost of a charger is 84 DOLLARS.  

If I hadn't bought a mac while in college, I would definitely not have bought one now.  My point is, don't go apple.  Ever.  Everyone knows plums taste better and are way juicier anyways.

Look at me...I am beautiful with these glistening drops of water on me.

I literally make your mouth water.

You know you want me over that stupid apple you have in

your stupid fridge.

Crapple.  That's what we should name him.