Weird conversations at the Library

1.  We have a couple patrons who have really interesting names. That's fine, until they expect you to know how to spell it without their help.  I had this conversation a few weeks:

Patron approaches desk: "I forgot my library card."

Me: "Do you have ID?  I can look you up from that."

Patron: "I forgot that, too."

Me: "Well, I can look you up from your name, but I'll have to ask you

several questions to verify that it's your account."

Patron: "Okay."

Me: "What's your name?"

Patron: "Mrishne Srivskansky"

Me: "Can you spell that for me?"

Patron: "No, I want to see you spell it."

Me: "Uhhh...okay... M-R--"

Patron cuts me off: "Don't you look at your computer!  Look

me in the eye while you spell it!"

Me a little frustrated: "M-R-I-E--"

Patron cuts me off again: "It's just I!  No E!  How did you ever

become a librarian if you can't spell?"

(note: I did change the name, but this

is essentially the ratio of consonants to vowels)

Dean's face when learns Misha's name is basically my face through
this whole conversation.

2.  There are some people who come to the library so consistently that they feel the need to inform me when they won't be coming in.

Patron: "I wanted to let you know that I won't be here tomorrow."

Me: "Um, okay.  Hopefully you're doing something fun."

Patron: "Actually I'm having surgery in the morning. (Insert a long

and gruesomely detailed explanation of their surgery). Could

you let everyone know so that they don't wonder where I'm at?"

Me: "Sure, why not."

3.  Proposals to the female library staff.  One of my coworkers had a patron who actually emailed the manager over ALL the county libraries to ask if he could date her...that email got passed down to the branch manager and eventually back to my coworker.  My weirdest proposal (or rather, proposition).

Patron: "Do you want to travel the world with me?"

Me: "Uh...what?"

Patron:  "You should know, I'm technically married still, but

we just stay married for tax reasons.  She wouldn't care if

you came with me."

Me:

4.  I have some form of this conversation a few times a week.

Patron: "I read this really amazing book about a year ago.

Can you find it for me?"

Me: "Sure.  What was the book called?"

Patron: "I can't remember."

Me: "Do you remember what it was about?"

Patron: "I can't remember that either.  But it had a really pretty

cover with leaves and swirls and stuff."

Me: "Uh...do you remember anything else about it?"

Patron: "No, but I remember it was really good.  Can't you find it from that?"

5. For some reason, a lot of people feel the need to announce or lie about their education when they're talking to librarians.  There's one guy who always prefaces his questions with, "I have a PhD, but..."