For the Struggling Single

I'm at the park right now.  All four pavilions have large gatherings at them.  In fact, one has a loud speaker and someone is announcing something in another language (it almost sounds like Hindi?).  O_O now they're playing music.  That's definitely Bollywood.

Now I want to dance.

And this may not be me, but that's definitely how I look when I try to dance!

The silly thing is, on any number of other days, I wouldn't want to dance.  I'm sitting here alone on my laptop in a park where almost everyone else is with someone if not with their family, extended family, and beyond.  I guess that's the thing about being single.  Some days it just really sucks and throws me into a depressive pit of darkness (not to be dramatic) and other days, it's okay.  Since today is an okay day, it's also okay for me to write about being single.  I don't want to lament all the bad things, but I do want to be honest in the spirit of being helping, because sometimes people just don't get it.  So, here are some lessons I've learned as well as some advice and a couple brutal truths.

1. It's really important to get to know and love yourself - to be fair, this is important for everyone.  It's just kind of the foundation for everything else, you know?  We all have things we want to fix about ourselves.  You know that saying, "There's no one else I'd rather be than me."  That saying is garbage unless you decide to make it true. To do that I had to take TIME to figure out who I am, meditate, learn how best to love myself, and put that into practice.  And it does take practice.  I think we could all use a little practice in loving ourselves. One thing I love about the LDS church is that we're taught to focus on eternally significant things - which includes our own eternal worth.  Being raised from a young age to know that I matter to God creates a foundation on which I could build a love for myself, despite my flaws.
2. Don't be afraid to live life differently - This is gonna be long, cause I have a lot of things to say.  I love the LDs faith, but it's hard for me to understand why everyone in the Church raised me to get married and no one prepared me to be single.  It's not that it's bad that the Church emphasizes the importance of marriage (I mean, marriage IS important), but as my roommate so eloquently put it, "No one prepared me for being single.  It's like no one thought that being single was a real possibility.  I didn't even think it.  I didn't want to think it, not even when I started living it and now I'm struggling to accept it." I think at least 90% of the Church is raised to expect a life that goes like this: finish high school, go to college, go on a mission, finish college, get a full time job that supports you and your family (and you're gonna have a family, because by about this time you should be married or engaged to be married), and then you raise your family, which will be hard, but you'll work through it with your spouse...together, like a team.  Only, I missed out on the marriage team because life ain't no cookie cutter and we sure as heck ain't cookies.  Look, a lot of people might follow that life plan.  Good for them.  Some people might follow  most of it.  Good for them.  Some people might not follow any of it.  GOOD FOR THEM.  This is YOUR life and you're an INDIVIDUAL. What happens to you and the choices you make are personally and indelibly yours. So, take a little pride in living life your way. And if you fail?  Good for you. Seriously, you had the courage to try, so be proud of yourself. Also, the pain of failure will give you a precious moment to feel just a portion of the pain our Savior felt in Gethsemane.  
3. Learning how to handle rejection and failure on a constant basis - I'm pretty biased here, as I'm a female, but my honest opinion is that LDS Singles Wards create an environment in which singles are constantly failing, but especially the women.  Generally, the ratio of women to men in a singles ward is about...oh, maybe 8 women for every 3 guys.  Which creates this cycle.  Girl tries really hard every Sunday.  She doesn't make an impression on the guys (to be fair, there are like a million girls at church).  She goes home feeling like she failed.  She's sad.  Then she gets motivated to do something, because surely, she can fix whatever's wrong.  She takes a long look at her faults and she changes things up, gets her hopes up, and then goes to church the next Sunday, only to fail again.  It's not really failure, of course.  The purpose of church is actually spiritual, but that's the thing with singles wards.  We've corrupted that and now it breaks my heart to see so many of my friends going through this vicious cycle.  So many of the girls I know are struggling with self worth and there was a time that I really struggled with that.  I became quite familiar with rejection (and not just at a singles ward, but also professionally and personally).  On the bright side, by becoming familiar, I've started to learn how to handle it.  Now, everyone handles failure differently and it's important to KNOW YOURSELF in order to cope with it.  For me, I remind myself that I've done hard things and I've failed before, but I've also overcome failure.  I let that remembrance empower me and I let it help me love myself more. I guess, in the end it comes back to loving yourself.  If I love myself, it doesn't keep me down that someone else doesn't love me.  
4. Spend time with the people who matter - I let myself get guilted into trying a whole slew of dating apps and going on tons of blind dates for about three months there.  It was miserable, not just because most the dates sucked, but also because I wasn't spending time with the people I really connect with.  It's really important to spend time with your family and friends whom actually get you.  It decreases your stress levels by about a million.  Don't get me wrong, putting yourself out there is great, but going on five dates a week just isn't fun for me.  I am SO much happier now that I'm spending time with the people who matter to me.  Besides, it's okay to let things happen organically. 

Last bit of advice:

We're all on our own paths, seeking happiness, stability, and love.  Don't compete with anyone and don't compare your experience to anyone else's.  Love yourself and love the path under your feet even if it doesn't quite match the map in your hands.