So, the other day we were having some weird issues in our super legit and definitely haunted boiler room.
Apparently the problems were connected to the plumbing, so a couple hours into my shift, the manager asked if I could go into the bathroom and keep flushing the toilet until someone came and told me to stop. Which led to me standing in the bathroom and repetitively flushing the toilet for almost 15 MINUTES.
As I stood there, I thought, I'm literally getting paid to flush toilets, which makes me a professional toilet flusher! And how, oh how, can I put this on my job resume because every potential employer should probably know how varied and diverse my skill set is, including my astounding ability to continuously flush toilets.
Eventually my fifteen minutes were up...but this experience led me into a super long and amazingly time consuming search on the internet of all the weird and crazy jobs in the world. Including and not limited to these gems:
Why have one, when you can have four? And why keep them simple, when you can make them AWESOME?
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| I'm especially intrigued by Rasputin impersonator... |
If you ever need to consult anyone on proper kidnapping technique, you should immediately dial this guy's phone number.
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| Brides beware! This guy might be coming for you. |
I kind of want his life.
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| Gosh, he probably spends all day cuddling with baby penguins. I'm officially jealous. |
Apparently you can add "ologist" to any word and it makes you an expert in that field.
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| This should probably be the title of every single teenager out there... |
Can you imagine going on a date with this guy? Hi, my name is Jackson Galaxy (epic) and I'm a Cat Behavior Consultant (hold up...what?). Oh, and I have this fantastic facial hair that I shave in new and bizarre ways to keep my life even more interesting (I already know that I can't even hang with this guy...it's too much awesome)
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| The guy you wish would come up on your Tinder |
Can someone actually try calling this to see what happens? Because I might be interested in this, as long as the evil genius is charismatic, provides witty one-liners, and has a sure-to-fail plan for world domination.
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| I mean, everyone's gotta die sometime, right? |
Again, has anyone contacted this person and is the position still vacant?
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| I can bring weapons and I can blend into ANY time! |
Just so we all know who to call when we get confused about those confusing origami instructions.
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| I'm surprised it doesn't just say "Bearologist and paperologist" to be honest. |
Definitely legit.
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I wish job hunting was this simple nowadays. Lets get rid of LinkIn,
CareerBuilder, and Indeed and go back to good old fashion sewer grates. |
Other job gems I found:
Ice Cream Taste Tester
Coffin Salesman
Teen Exorcist
Bread Expert
Armpit sniffer
We just never know what will happen in some shifts but you've had more than your fair share of the unique and sometimes dangerous situations. Glad you survived your toilet flushing duty.
ReplyDeleteWe've followed some of Jackson Galaxy's suggestions on cat behavior such as playing with your cat gets out some of their natural predatory instincts. If they have regular play time they are less like to use their humans as an attack dummy. And I've heard the armpit sniffer occupation can be quite lucrative in the deodorant industry. That reminds me of sploosh from Holes by Sachar.
I'm very impressed that you even know who Jackson Galaxy is! I only know him because I legit spent hours researching bizarre jobs...
DeleteAlso, I heard you got the new job!!!! Congratulations!! Welcome to a world where it's acceptable for your boss to ask you to flush the toilet endlessly...lol