M.O.A.B.

M ost these people are tourists, including me

O utdoor adventures abound

A whole heap of fun and super nice to see my parents

B umfuzzled about the difference between a natural arch and a natural bridge...

   

Words we should all start using immediately

A while back I went on a date where this guy told me that I used big words and it was intimidating.  It struck me as funny, because the word I had used was "crotchety", which is not that big and not that unusual.  What followed was a goal to start using more of new and exciting words and it kind of turned into an obsession.  Like, I have a dictionary in MY CAR so that if I get bored, I can look new words up.  Side not, this is how you know you're a nerd.

Now, I'm not as creative as Taika at coming up with words on the spot, but what follows is a list of words that are some of my favorite finds.  I only wish more people knew them, because every time I try to use them, people give me a weird look and ask me what that means.

Bumfuzzle - confused, perplexed, or flustered

Malarkey - insincere or foolish talk

Flummox - exasperate

Lollygag - messing around or wasting time

Snollygoster - someone who does things for their own advancement and doesn’t follow their own principles

Bibble - when someone eat or drinks noisily

Pauciloquent - a person of few words

Bloviate - a person of too many words, and who likes to embellish stories to make themselves sound better

Lickety split - as fast as possible

Codswollop - foolishness, nonsense, balderdash

Kerfuffle - nonsense or balderdash

Fard - face paint or make up *sidenote - no women would want to wear make up if it was called fard

Goombah - an older friend who protects you

Skedaddle - get a move on

Ineffable - Indescribable

Sycophant - suck up

Paradoxically - self contradictory

Quixotic - idealistic, romantic

Obsequious - obedient, servile

Curmudgeon - bad tempered old person

Uncouth - lacking sophistication

My new job is...repetitive toilet flusher?

So, the other day we were having some weird issues in our super legit and definitely haunted boiler room.

Apparently the problems were connected to the plumbing, so a couple hours into my shift, the manager asked if I could go into the bathroom and keep flushing the toilet until someone came and told me to stop.  Which led to me standing in the bathroom and repetitively flushing the toilet for almost 15 MINUTES. 

As I stood there, I thought, I'm literally getting paid to flush toilets, which makes me a professional toilet flusher!  And how, oh how, can I put this on my job resume because every potential employer should probably know how varied and diverse my skill set is, including my astounding ability to continuously flush toilets.

Eventually my fifteen  minutes were up...but this experience led me into a super long and amazingly time consuming search on the internet of all the weird and crazy jobs in the world.  Including and not limited to these gems:

Why have one, when you can have four?  And why keep them simple, when you can make them AWESOME?

I'm especially intrigued by Rasputin impersonator...

If you ever need to consult anyone on proper kidnapping technique, you should immediately dial this guy's phone number.

Brides beware!  This guy might be coming for you.

I kind of want his life.

Gosh, he probably spends all day cuddling with baby penguins.  I'm officially jealous.

Apparently you can add "ologist" to any word and it makes you an expert in that field.

This should probably be the title of every single teenager out there...

Can you imagine going on a date with this guy?  Hi, my name is Jackson Galaxy (epic) and I'm a Cat Behavior Consultant (hold up...what?).  Oh, and I have this fantastic facial hair that I shave in new and bizarre ways to keep my life even more interesting (I already know that I can't even hang with this guy...it's too much awesome)

The guy you wish would come up on your Tinder

Can someone actually try calling this to see what happens?  Because I might be interested in this, as long as the evil genius is charismatic, provides witty one-liners, and has a sure-to-fail plan for world domination.

I mean, everyone's gotta die sometime, right?

Again, has anyone contacted this person and is the position still vacant?

I can bring weapons and I can blend into ANY time!

Just so we all know who to call when we get confused about those confusing origami instructions.

I'm surprised it doesn't just say "Bearologist and paperologist" to be honest.

Definitely legit.

I wish job hunting was this simple nowadays.  Lets get rid of LinkIn,
CareerBuilder, and Indeed and go back to good old fashion sewer grates.

Other job gems I found:

Ice Cream Taste Tester
Coffin Salesman
Teen Exorcist
Bread Expert
Armpit sniffer